A letter to you.

Dear Anonymous,


I'm writing this because I feel that there are some things that I need to get off of my chest and I don't know how else to do besides write them down.  I need to tell you how I feel and I know that you're probably thinking "Oh, here we go again!" but the thing is you told me that I could come to you about this kind of stuff without any hesitation so here I go.


I love you as a person, as a best friend, and as someone I can bullshit around with.  But I'm tired.  I'm tired of fighting.  I want to feel needed and I want to feel cared for and I don't feel that way around you.  I feel as thought I'm just another one of the guys and maybe that's my fault.  Maybe I shouldn't have let my emotions get the better of me but guess what I'm a girl and my emotions tend to do that. I want to know that our friendship isn't just another one of your acts.  I feel like you lie to me all of the time and that's not how friends are to each other.  Maybe that's how your friends have been to you but I have never given you a reason to lie to me and I don't lie to you.  Do I feel like you lie to me 95 percent of the time? Yes.  Do I lie to myself and tell myself that you're telling the truth? Yes.  Why? Because I have to.  I have to in order to keep moving on.  You're not the only one that can put on a front.  I've been doing it for most of my life and quite honestly I don't know the difference anymore.


Where am I going with this?  This is where.  I'm not giving up but I'm backing down.  If you want to talk to me about something then tell me.  I'm not going to dig it out of you.  I will always be here and I still want to be your friend.  I am so glad that you are in my life.  You have given me some really great advice and I don't want that to end anytime soon. I hope that you don't misinterpret this as me saying I don't want you around anymore because that's not it.  I'm just saying unless I see something different I'm going to less available I guess.  I don't know.  I'm just trying to protect myself here and look out for Lacy for once.  Selfish?  Yes.  But I think it's about time I am a little.   I always care about what other people feel and what other people think and I am always putting myself on the back burner and for once I want someone to put me first.


I hope you can understand all of this and know that I am always going to be here for you.


Loves,


Me